I belong to Jaipur (India) and in 1990 when Her Holiness blessed me with Sahaja Yoga, I used to work for a Tyre company. I was 27 that time. I was inspired by the Leader of Jaipur centre to experience Self Realisation, who, in fact, was one of my Company’s dealers also. Those days, I was so much busy into making (rather loosing) money that I hardly had any serious seeking to try it….It was January, 1990, and I was down with lots of losses in Shares etc, and was quite frustrated with failures in life……that’s when, I made up my mind to go to Sahaja Centre on one weekend with my wife with a curiousity in mind as to what "exactly will happen? How one feels vibrations..etc as I had heard something like it.
Honestly speaking, till that time I used to percieve Mother as one another spiritual teacher only and I had no impression about Her Divine Powers or Godess/Incarnation Status. But somehow, I was so curious to feel that Cool Breeze, that one of my close friends used to talk about so often, who got already cured of Polio of leg after practicing Sahaja for 4-5 years. So, was given Realisation by the Leader in the centre and during all affirmation chanting and prayers, I was not there ..and my attention was somewhere else. I did not feel anything at all..though they said that they could feel cool breeze over my Sahasrara…then I was told about Salt water and was given Mother’s picturte for meditating at home.
Somewhow, I was sincere and regular in Salt-water and morning-evening meditation….but no improvement I could see even after one week, as I didn’t know what exactly Vibration was and how to control thoughts while meditating, rather, the more I tried to be thoughtless, the more they are flooded in to my mind…Boy!! what to do???? in fact…I was not surrendering to Mother at all…and was trying to meditate myself…trying to get thoughtlessness myself…as though I can do it myself…..Ego trip !!! This continued for another 4-5 days and I got bored with the process and started feeling guilty that due to my Bad Deeds (karmas) I am not being blessed with this feeling and perhaps I am not worthy of it.
At last, I again went to the leader (my business associate & a friendly guy), for whom I had lot of respect due to his very kind & sweet nature. I narrated my problem and I told that "look, I am not feeling anything, I can’t stop my thoughts, I have been trying everyday for so long now..but nothing is happening…I am disappointed !!!!" He listened to me carefully…and asked me.." By the way, who is this "I" you are refering to again & again…that "I" did this, "I" did not do this..etc etc…WHO IS THIS "I"? Then he explained "Look Kapil , If you were able to do it yourself, then did you really need to come to Shri Mataji! Because, you can not do it that’s why you were given picture of Mother…and not some imaginary painting of some deity…or God…that is real live picture of the Incarnation Herself… which has all positive vibrations and powers of Shri Mataji….that is not just a piece of paper we gave you the first day….That picture is as good as "In Person"…no difference…so you must ask for these vibrations and blessings from Her, directly, when you sit for meditation and try to surrender to Her, as She, only, is the giver of this power and feeling.. But you have to surrender….no other way out.."
Then very lovingly he gave an example "look, if you are drowning into the sea, and you do not know swimming, then, the more you will fight with waves in order to save you, the more you will go into the sea….BUT.. if you surrender your body completly to the sea, then you will float…then it will take care of your being….hence, my dear friend, today, when you go home and sit for meditation, Please try to surrender…and whatever problems or tentions you have in your mind, tell to Mother. Open your heart to Her. And my dear Brothers & Sisters, that night…. when I set for meditation, I kept looking at Mothers picture, first, trying to tell my problems to Her and then…. I WEPT…I opened my heart to Her, and from the bottom of my heart (for the first time ) I prayed for the feeling of Kundalini Awakaning. And that very moment, it happened like "Eureka! Eureka!" to me and I felt my lower side spining clockwise, as if my whole body has turned towards right and those spining circles increased faster..going upwards..came up to Sahasrara and then I felt that there is a straight connection from Mooladhara to the Cosmos via Sahasrara….one single straight line…the connection of joy…I knew this is kundalini, still, spinning was there and I got little scared (in complte joy) that where I am being taken to….to what height!!!!
Journey seemed endless….joy had no bounds…It continued for 20-30 minutes….and when my eyes were opend, I looked at Mother’s pictures, unable to collect words to thank Her. I knew that She has made me a Yogi and this is my new birth…NO DOUBTS AT ALL…. I felt myself at very high wavelength and found difficult to explain to my family what has happened with me in just few minutes… I wanted everybody around me to instantly recognise Shri Mataji and to come into Sahaja….they were amazed with my sudden transformation.
Miracles started happening every next moment….I knew..Param Chaitanya is with me now. I need not worry for anything. Lots of beautiful Sahaja Bhajans flew from my pen..in next few days. I was compltely surrenderd to Adi Shakti, though I had yet to get Her Darshan in person…which happened 3 months later, when I enjoyed my First, sakaar Divine sight in "Delhi Birth Day Pooja"…….But, She had already blessed me with Her power, compassion and love at my home, at my small alter….She is everywhere …We all know…. I only want to say to new people that the shortest route to attain Shri Mataji’s blessings is "YOU SURRENDER TO HER COMPLETELY". Jai Shri Mataji. Kapil Goyal, Jaipur, India